Show Me The Way To Go Home
by 93leea93
Summary: What happens if Paul didn't escape Area 51 alone?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Of Nerds and Aliens

The last thing Marla could remember was running through the halls she had been previously been escorted down with her fellow alien best friend, Paul...well when we say running… We mean being pulled down the hall… By Paul… Who was shouting and swearing like it was the only language he knew. After having something hard and wooden collide with her head, that was when everything went away from her.

The next thing she knew, she was awake and being carried by Paul to a government vehicle. This was where she was put in charge of controlling both the gas and brake pedals whilst Paul drove. This was where she was now, hours later, pressing the gas pedal and trying not to fall over due to Paul's swerving and close encounters with the occasional vehicle. It was dark, so luckily, the roads were practically dead. She jumped a little when she heard the horn of the car go of long and loudly.

"Christ, Paul! What the hell?" She yelped as she moved locks of her straight black hair with pink and light blue streaks from her eyes before glancing up at the male from under the dashboard.

"There's a fucking RV in the way!" He growled as he focused on the road before him.

"Then just go around them then you fucking dipshit." She sighed as if it was the most obvious thing to do.

Paul rolled his eyes but did as he was told. He pulled onto the opposite side of the road and whizzed passed the RV. Moments later, Marla and Paul let out a scream as their car hit something that caused it to roll and shake them like a they had been stuck in a tumble dryer on full power. After what felt like forever, both the screams and the car finally came to a stop.

"You… Okay, sweetheart?" Paul panted as he got out of the car and pulled her out after him.

"Yeah. I'm good… I think. You?" She repainted as she walked with him to a safe distance away from the car.

"I'm good." He sighed with relief before pulling a cigarette out of his backpack pocket and tossed Marla a black and pale snake skin grip vape mod with a shiny red tank full of liquid of the same colour.

"I wondered where that went." She muttered before turning it on and taking a drag from it as she watched Paul put his cigarette to his lips and about to light it.

She then heard two male voices and looked towards the car crash site to see two headlight wearing nerds looking at the wreckage.

"Maybe you should call for help." One stated sheepishly.

There was a pause for a few moments before another voice stated, "It's ringing."

"I wouldn't do that if I was you…" Paul said as he lit his cigarette and took a drag before stepping out of the dark with Marla stood behind him as if she was trying to hide.

Both the British illustrator Graeme Willy and writer Clive Gollings froze in what they were doing as they saw two aliens walk into their line of sight. Both grey skinned and skinny. One male and one female from the looks of it. The male had a big head, wearing shorts and flip flops but had no shirt. The female had a smaller head with short black hair with a longer side fringe with pink and light blue streaks in it. She wore a plain black romper with a off the shoulder sleeves and thin straps holding it up in her shoulders. On her feet were a pair of snake skin design gladiator sandals that went to her ankles.

"Put… The… Phone… Down…" The male said slowly as they advanced the two.

The heavy set male who had the phone to his ear, let out a slight shocked laugh before falling backwards into a heap on the floor. The ginger one looked between his friend and the two aliens.

"Aw… Fuck…" Paul grumbled with a eye rool as Marla sighed.

"What… What did you do?" The ginger male spluttered nervously.

"Nothing...he fainted." Marla stated she she moved so she was beside Paul.

"Yeah but you made him faint." The ginger accused.

"Yes, but it's not like we set our phaser to faint …" Paul gave his unamused dry sarcasm.

"You have a phaser?" the human gasped, falling for the sarcasm.

"No ... I don't ... look ! Listen …Hey ... I really need your help. Ok?" Paul asked in annoyance as he walked over and lifted on of the unconscious male's legs up. "Can we get this guy back in your wagon?"

"What ... whe … You're an alien! " Graeme stated the obvious, making Marla roll her eyes.

"To you… Yes, we are." She said as she bent down to pick up Clive's other leg.

"Are you going to probe us?" Graeme squeaked in freight.

"Oh for fuck sake…" Marla growled as she released Clive's leg along with Paul.

"What are we doing? Are we harvesting farts? How much can we learn from an ass?" Paul exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air in annoyance.

"What ... I ... what …" Graeme stammered in confusion.

"I'm sorry, what's your name?" Paul asked, calmly.

"Um… Graeme Willy."

Paul then motioned to the unconscious male. "What's his name?"

"That's the writer, Clive Gollings."

"Okay cool. I'm Paul and that's Marla."

"Paul?" The male's eyebrow went up in confusion.

"Yeah." Marla sighed.

"It's a nickname, it stuck. our ship crashed and i... dog ! It doesn't matter. Look, can we get Clive Gollings back on the RV and get the hell outa here, please?" Paul begged.

"I can't be …" Graeme was fighting his denial.

"We're in a hell of a pickle … And if you don't help us, we could die on this road tonight." Marla sighed.

"I don't know, we're in a quite tight schedule …" Graeme mumbled, sounding unsure about not only about his current situation but with himself in general.

"Sometimes… You just gotta roll the dice." Paul said calmly. "What do you say?"

"Okay." Graeme said after a moments silence.

"Okay. Perfect, great! " The two aliens grinned in relief.

"Okay, help me, help me grab him." Paul said as he went to pick up one of Clive's legs.

Graeme took ahold of Clive's arms as Marla went to grab his other leg.

Marla paused and winced. "This man's peed his pants."

"Yeah, he's got child's bladder." Graeme said sheepishly as they hauled him up.

"Oh, fantastic …" Paul groaned as they all shuffled towards the RV, all whining about the dead weight.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

 **Enter: Haggard and O'Rilley**

Marla yawned as she stared out of window of the passenger side of the RV. She and Paul were small enough to fit in the seat side by side. The vehicle was filled with an eerie and awkward silence. Clive was laid out on the couch still unconscious from earlier.

"Doesn't this thing go any faster?" Paul asked, breaking the silence.

"Well, I … I'm sorry, the speed limit is 70 …" Graeme stammered a little, still in shock at the point his situation was in fact real and not some nerd dream of his own making.

"Screw the speed limit!" Paul whined impatiently before receiving a nudge from his best friend through thick and thin. "Think about it Paul…"

He thought for a moment and grinned.

"Actually, no. Uh, don't screw it. That's good thinking. Okay? Stay conspicuous. That's good."

"How come i can understand you two? You using some sort of neoron language router?" Graeme asked curiously yet cautiously.

"Actually, we're speaking English, you fucking idiot!" Paul snapped in annoyance before grunting when was greeted by another elbow to his slight podgy gut. "Ouch...Babe…"

"Sorry…" Graeme sighed, feeling like an complete idiot.

"You're in shock right now. I understand this must be very weird for you. Just act normal and drive north. Okay?" Marla reassured Graeme before taking a three second inhale of her vape and blew the impressively sized cloud out of the RV window but some of the cloud blew in and greeted Paul and Graeme with the sweet scent.

"Gotta get as much as we can between us and the Big Guy." Paul added calmly, not wanting to rattle anymore cages for them all.

There another silence that fell over them as Paul hopped off the seat to 'hit the john' as he put it. Graeme glanced at Marla and smiled awkwardly, having not been good at taking to the opposite sex but this female was an alien to boot… double the awkwardness.

"So… What brought you to the states?" She asked, breaking the silence.

"Clive and I went to Comic Con." He said with a smile. "We met Adam Shadowchild!"

"The Adam Shadowchild?" Her bright eyes lit up and grinned. "As in Adam Shadowchild who wrote The Robot's Mistress and Night of The Moths!"

"Yes! You've read them?" Graeme grinned brightly.

"Read them? Who do ya think gave him the ideas!" She grinned.

"No…" He gasped. "You came up with them?"

"Oh yeah, Paul and I have been helping your race out with things for the past sixty years. The government, NASA, Steven Spielberg and writers for comics and story books." Marla listed out.

Graeme grinned mode as heard this. He was fascinated with this revelation. Marla then Scotter up towards the window when Paul returned with a red plastic cup full of pistachios.

"I love pistachios." Paul said as he got comfy and munched on a nut. "I hate when you get a closed one, right?"

"I usually just bite them." Graeme stated with a shrug.

"No, you don't do it at all. They should be opened on their own way." Paul said as Marla took one out of the cup and ate it contently.

"No, that's mussels." Graeme defended with smirk.

"No, I meant the pistachios …" Paul said dryly.

Marla screamed and pressed herself against the window when Clive suddenly appeared and wrapped her hand around Paul's neck, shouting something in Klingon.

"What are you doing?!" Marla shrieked as she reached over and tried to get Clive off of Paul.

"They're ok, they're fine, they're friendly !  
His name's Paul and the Marla!" Graeme yelped, defending the two as Marla managed to get Paul out of Clive's grasp.

"Aliens aren't called Paul.." Clive stated in confusion.

"Was that Klingon? You psychotic nerd!" Paul growled as he moved away from Clive and closer to Marla.

"Listen, Paul and Marla are from a small M-Class planet nothern spiral arm of the Andromeda Galaxy." Graeme explained to his friend.

"Thank you." The two aliens said with relief.

"They look too obvious!" Clive said with a frown.

"There's a reason for that Clive. Over the last 60 years, the human race has been drip fed of images … of our faces, on lunch boxes, and t-shirts and shit. In case our species do meet, you don't have a fuckin' spaz attack!" Paul snapped only to be greeted by Clive shoving him into Marla, who yelped when she hit her head on the window.

"Ow! Fuck!" She yelped as she rubbed her sore head and looked at Paul who was trying to get out of Clive's grasp once again.

"Don't do it again!" Graeme gasped.

"You fuckin' dorf, get your fingers outta there ! If i get a jorf infection, you're dead!" Paul shouted as Clive removed his hands to reveal his fingers were slicked with see through goo.

"Um… Guys? Guys! We have a problem! Look!" Marla pointed ahead of her towards the agents on the road side, searching vehicles.

"Oh, my god!" Graeme and Clive gasped.

"Oh, shit …" Paul whispered with shock.

"Paul … Marla…" Graeme looked to the passenger seat to see the two were gone. "Paul? Marla?"

Graeme stopped the RV and followed Clive to the door as one of the agents banged on it.

"Good evening. Can you both step out of the vehicle? We need to search it." One of the agents stated. He was tall and wearing a tailored black suit.

"Um… Of course. Sure." The two males stated as they stepped out and the shorter agent in a light coloured suit stepped in.

"What brings you to USA?" The taller Agent asked as he flashed the torch into both of the British traveller's eyes.

"Uh, we're on holiday." Graeme answered, flinching away from the light. "We've been to comic-con."

"Comic-Con? Don't tell O'Rilley. He loves that guys know Benny Hill?"

"No …" Both nerds shook their heads nervously.

"Oh my god, look at this!" Agent O'Rilley shouted.

"What ?!" Agent Haggard asked urgently, thinking that he had found a clue to what they were searching for.

"Look at this!" O'Rilley breathed as he stepped out of the RV, holding a signed comic in his hand. "These guys met Adam Shadowchild."

"Who the hell's Adam Shadowchild?" Haggard asked in confusion.

"He wrote the Jupiter Praxis." Clive answered.

"What?" Haggard looked more confused.

"Jenny Star Pepper and the Huge White Gibbon?" Graeme added only to receive more confusion.

"Night of the Moths?" Clive questioned.

"Are you speaking English?" Agent Haggard snapped, not liking being confused.

"He's ... brilliant ...What was he like?" O'Rilley asked, excitedly.

"He was a bit intense." Clive admitted.

"Oh, he's an artist." O'Rilley turned into a fan boy.

"Let me see this." Haggard snapped as he took the comic into his hand and saw it had a green female dressed skimpily. "What is this, nerd porn?"

"Oh no, that's Clives …" Graeme started but Clive cut him off.

"It's my novel." Clive said with a nervous smile.

"Okay … Uh ! Three tits ! That's awesome …" Haggard grinned.

"You guys should've given her 4 tits." O'Rilley suggested.

Clive and Graeme's faces changed from pleased to disgust.

"That's just sick…" Clive muttered.

"I was just saying." The agent pouted.

"What else did you find in there?" Haggard got back to point.

"No, not much … Just some pissy jeans." O'Rilley said and all eyes landed onto Clive who had just got a towel around his waist.

"Oh, Clive's got a child bladd..." Graeme started but was cut off by Clive once again,

"Shut up …"

"Okay, you guys can go." Haggard dismissed them.

"Thank you." Graeme said as he stepped into the RV.

"Thank you." Clive paused at the door. "Can I have my novel?" He took it into his hands. "Thank you very much. May I ask what you're searching for?"

Haggard gave a pause to try making it look dramatic but in fact, he wasn't even sure what they were looking for. "No …"

"Come on, Graeme." Clive said as he entered the RV, closing the door.

They drove off looking relieved but very confused.

"I think it's pretty obvious what happened there isn't it?" Clive asked.

"Is it?" Graeme asked.

"The government used some kind of

neoro toxic paint on the Black Mailbox. Caused a shared hallucination about aliens, it makes complete sense." Clive tried to reason with his mind.

"Wrong!" Paul declared as he appeared on the dashboard, full on nude.

This made the males scream and hit the brakes sharply, making them launch forward. But Graeme recovered and continued driving.

"Oh no!" the males groaned.

"What?" Paul questioned as he slid off the dashboard. "Oh grow up! Has anyone seen my shorts?"

"Wait, if you're real, then where's the other one?" Clive asked.

"Marla? Hey, Marla!" Paul called out.

A arm stuck out of the bathroom. "Um… Can someone pass me my clothes?" The boys started snickering. "Please? Guys? Paul?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

 **Awkward Moments…**

Paul gave a sigh when gathered Marla's clothing and walked to the now closed bathroom. He opened the door, not bothering to knock on it. He blinked when he saw her form. He never really seen it before… Well he has seen it clothed but other than that… never. She was slim but got all the right curves in all the right places.

When she turned around, he briefly saw her… Um… front. The chest area was slightly bigger than the other females on their planet. She was truly a sight to behold. He jumped when the sound out her surprised squeak filled his ears.

"Paul! Don't you know how to knock?!" She squeaked as she covered her top half with her arms and crossed one of her legs over the other.

"Oh… Um… Here." He said as he held out the folded clothes.

She snatched them up, turning pink. "Um… Thanks… Paul."

"Yeah…No problem, babe." He smirked with a wink before scurrying off.

She stood there frozen in shock as she tried to process what happened. Did Paul, someone she had known for all her life, on both her home planet and Earth, just saw her naked? And didn't seem to want to want to look away. That was so strange… And embarrassing. Her best friend, someone she had like for as long as she could remember, just saw her naked. Oh dear god…

Moments she came out as she straightened her hair with her fingers. She sat on the recliner that was behind the passenger seat.

"How did you guys do that?" Graeme asked in awe. "How did you go invisible?"

"Oh, it's camouflage response." Paul said.

"Well, like Predator?" Graeme asked with a bright smile.

"Exactly, altough we can only do it  
while holding our breath." Marla added as she popped up being the passenger seat.

"You can do it anytime you want?" Graeme asked.

"Anytime." Paul said, imitating a predictor from the movie, using his fingers to form the pincer like mouth and did the deep scratchy voice.

"That's just like it …" Graeme laughed with Marla as Paul did funny noises and hand gestures.

Their fun was soon cut short by Clive growling and hitting the steering wheel a few times.

"Am I the only sane person here?! Eh?! It's alright for you two, isn't it?! You'll go back to area 51 … we'll be arrested for

harboring a fugutive! And sent to Guantanamo Bay!" He snapped, angrily.

Marla and Paul look at each other before looking at the two.

"How about we go make us bagels and coffee?" Paul said as he slapped Marla's leg and walked away.

She got to her feet and followed him to the kitchenette, leaving the two to talk it out.

"Look...Marla…Sorry about earlier…" Paul said after a whiles silence as he looked through the fridge.

"Um…Don't worry about it… It's fine." She said, shyly as she got to work making Graeme and Clive coffee.

"Though I have to admit…You do look pretty hot without clothes." Paul stated and yelped when she hit the back of his head.

"Paul… Knock it off!" She yelped as her face turned dark with blush.

She blinked as he straightened up and stood in front of her, putting his hand on either side of the counter and in turn, trapping her.

"Paul…" She mumbled as she watched him close the space between them.

Paul paused, his lips meer inches from hers. He then suck air through his teeth before straightening up, grabbing the two bagels and put them on his finger. He walked off, with a satisfied smirk on his smug face and leaving her frozen in shock.


End file.
